More connected than any generation before them, young adults are also lonelier than ever. What’s really going on beneath the constant contact?
More connected than any generation before them, yet increasingly—and quietly—alone. What’s actually going on?
It’s one of the more confusing trends of our time. Today’s young people are more digitally connected than perhaps any generation before them—through round-the-clock messaging, social media feeds and video calls across time zones. And yet loneliness among young adults appears to be on the rise, quietly at the very least. It’s a noticeable departure from the commonly held notion that isolation was predominantly a problem encountered by the elderly.
Part of the explanation, undoubtedly, lies in the qualitative difference between connection and contact. Messaging someone every day doesn’t quite equate to face-to-face time, just as scrolling through someone’s updates isn’t the same as actually being with them. Digital interaction can mimic full social interaction while subtly displacing the real thing—the in-person time, spontaneous conversation, shared physical presence and multitude of smaller, unscripted moments that can’t really be transferred into a chat interface.
The nature of urban living is probably playing a part as well. For a range of reasons—including commuting, work schedules and job relocation—younger people are frequently living away from their existing social support structures. They may find themselves starting over in a new city without a ready community of people to connect with.
Forming friendships as an adult, especially without the natural structure of school or college, is harder than most people anticipate. It can be a struggle that people face quietly, often under the impression that it is something about them personally, rather than recognising how common and difficult forming adult friendships can be.
Then there are the comparisons.
Social media tends to showcase everyone else’s best moments—a steady parade of group getaways, reunions and tight-knit circles. It can easily make someone’s own normal, and rather less exciting, social life seem woefully inadequate when, in reality, it may be perfectly adequate.
The disparity between how connected people appear to be and their lived experience of connection could be one reason why a considerable number of people in this age group report feeling chronically lonely.
These issues aren’t negligible. Loneliness can become toxic over the longer term, affecting day-to-day wellbeing. It also brings with it a sense of social shame that can make it particularly difficult to admit.
Thankfully, the first step usually doesn’t have to be drastic. It can be pragmatic: valuing face-to-face contact, accepting the situation without pretending it isn’t there, and recognising that, for most of us, connection isn’t the “one that got away”. It is a learned skill that requires practice, rather than some great moral failing on our part.
Blurb 1 — Recommended
Young adults may be more connected digitally than ever, but messages, feeds and video calls can’t fully replace the experience of being together in person.
Blurb 2
Moving cities, changing work patterns and leaving behind familiar social circles can make adult friendship surprisingly difficult—and leave many people feeling isolated without knowing why.
Blurb 3
Social media shows us everyone else’s best moments, making an ordinary social life feel inadequate. The first step out of loneliness may be simpler: reconnecting with people face to face.